I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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