I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
