Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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