Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
