my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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