did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
