new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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