I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize