i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
