If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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