Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
