You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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