those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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