so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize