Where did you get a picture of my penis
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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