so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize