Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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