wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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