Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
