Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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