You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
