so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
What a dumb baby whore.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
