what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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