so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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