I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
