Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
