I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
