I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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