I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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