Hey man sorry I got all grabby
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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