Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
