So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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