the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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