fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
