My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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