I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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