so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
how drunk are you?
Several
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
