i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
