OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
