who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I am mentally ready for anal.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize