my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We need to get me chipped asap
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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