K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
How does it feel to date your dad?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
