The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
