shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
