My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
