You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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