Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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