we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
