honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
