I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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