if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
