I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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