Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
