So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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