Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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