on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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