At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
