Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
