I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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