im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Green mimosas i think yes
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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