someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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