just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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