I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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