Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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