I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
