If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
