He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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