She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
