I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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