When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
