She went from zero to smokin in five shots
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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