I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
