By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
